torinator97
yeah-i-dont-like-this-day:

darnni:

textbookfangirl:

agnaeoh:

gaymur-gurl:

alexandraerin:

breakthenorm:

redcloud:

thedaddycomplex:

futurefantastic:

jonny5fefrenzy:

-knock knock.
—who’s there?
-freedom.

freedom would never knock
freedom rings

And if it takes longer than 30 minutes, your freedom is free.

If you experience freedom lasting four hours or more, contact your physician immediately.

eagle sold separately  

*Some restrictions apply.

batteries not included

limited time offer

side effects may include liberty and justice for all

this entire country is crazy.

Some assembly required.

yeah-i-dont-like-this-day:

darnni:

textbookfangirl:

agnaeoh:

gaymur-gurl:

alexandraerin:

breakthenorm:

redcloud:

thedaddycomplex:

futurefantastic:

jonny5fefrenzy:

-knock knock.

—who’s there?

-freedom.

freedom would never knock

freedom rings

And if it takes longer than 30 minutes, your freedom is free.

If you experience freedom lasting four hours or more, contact your physician immediately.

eagle sold separately  

*Some restrictions apply.

batteries not included

limited time offer

side effects may include liberty and justice for all

this entire country is crazy.

Some assembly required.

torinator97
semiotickitten:

apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:


The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

I need this.

semiotickitten:

apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

I need this.